Lived Experience Forum

[YogaBear]

I think we rarely get the balance right - social construct and family traditions has closed down a lot of dialogue about how we spend Christmas. That said, it is not set in stone and people should be brave and take a stand if at all possible!

[Former-Member]

I've been thinking a bit about that @Former-Member in the last few days after I had a melt down with my therapist over Christmas on Monday. I'm thinking of sitting down with my kids (young adults and 16) to work out what Christmas means to them and the important elements and then work out how we do our Christmas Day. I lost my Christmas spirit 5 years ago when I became unwell. I guess I'm thinking of trying to start a new tradition where it is more collaborative. 

[Brand-Newday]

Hi All,

Well christmas time is here again. It is easy to get caught up in the rush of christmas. Personally it is a time I try to take extra care of myself. It is just way too easy to have an extra beverage here and there and if you are juggling work this can trigger some mental ill health. Not to mention the "ideal christmas". Fine if you have family, but if not it is about making the best of this festive time and keeping in good spirits (parden the pun). But sadly for many of us it is making the most of this hectic time can be difficult when sometimes around this time the most important focus is to stay out of the heat. No one can avoid the mad rush to the supermarket to get you basic foods to get you through the time the shops are not open. I liked @Former-Member's suggestion of a movie marathon. Finally I attempt to welcome this time and sometimes adversity with an open warm heart. What ever will be , will be! Our job is to make sure we are still here to celebrate next year. Good luck to all.

[SwearyCyn]

@Former-Member - no balance here! It would certainly help if the expectations were lowered across the board (shops could stop getting the decorations up in October for a start!! I KNOW I'm not the only one that hates that). And communicating better with each other would also help. And probably also some realisation that some people shouldn't spend time together. Not sure why we force some families together when it just doesn't work. Surely it's okay to admit to yourself that you don't like your extended family and work around that? Blood often isn't thicker than water ...

[Former-Member]

Welcome @k_sarah, I'm sorry to hear about your family.  There are lots of reasons for people being alone at Christmas and many have painful origins.  Glad you like the blog post.  I hope it's given your some ideas for ways to reclaim Christmas this year.  I think it's really important to plan your day.  By all means work in some time to acknowledge any sadness you're feeling, but don't let it run across the whole day.  Having activities that will be distracting and hopefully enjoyable will help with that.

Did any of the suggestions in the blog post appeal to you?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member....

xmas makes me really sad, because I have a dysfunctional family - I used to spend xmas with my partner's family, but still not enjoy it  - but since moving to live on his mum's property - her partner triggers me, as he is an alcoholic & I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic which was the catalyst to my my mental illnesses becoming debilitating. Last year the alcoholic went away - then my partner's mum blamed us for not getting to have xmas with him - even though we supplied ALL her food - she had nothing except some strange dip she made. This year he will be here & my partner's sister (plus husband & kids) & they won't understand - I will stay over here. My partner says just make it a day about us - like it is so simple to forget you can't even pretend because you are too ill - I wish I was spending it in hospital.... Well actually I wish I was spending it on the beach... but hospital is more realistic... Sorry if I don't make sense I'm too exhausted....

Thanks for reading,

A

[Shaz51]

 I liked @suzanne's suggestion of a movie marathon., I agree

[Former-Member]

Love that @Former-Member, pulling it apart so that you're not just unconsciously going through the expected motions but choosing the aspects that are meaningful.  Great idea. 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member
Come spend it with at the beach. Or I may still be in hospital I could "sneak" you in. 💕💕💕 I totally get what you're saying. Xxx

[TAB]

I am seeing family who I don't see that often these days. Parents are elderly. Makes me more aware of my own issues and failures in life when I see them, but a some stage things usually become comfortable, and yes there won't be a gift in sight, xmas is for kids etc etc, just to do with sentimentality, aged parents in my case ok,a bit of an adventure getting there thrown in. If I didn't want to go that badly I wouldn't, and think did that a couple years ago, just made up excuse that I was working should be Ok tho, well did feel really out of place when there for a birthday couple years ago, and that was scary in itself, but things did settle down