Lived Experience Forum

[AussieRecharger]

G'day all.. 

Thought it was time for me to share... I am feeling nervous all over today.. Even typing feels like lightning zipping via my hands and it's painful to sit still... 

There a couple of thing in my head but all good things.. I have good problems to decide between at the moment but I just have sooooooo much nervous energy and I hate the feeling as it tends to mean I start over analysing everything and want to make rash decisions. 

One issue I have is I want to go back to work, but due to some issues years ago, when I get critiqued for small things such as sentence structure or marked down for providing too much information, it makes me really distressed and want to quit.  I know I have to learn how to manage this but I am not sure how yet.. 

Anyways.. Just putting it out there.. I may reply to a lot of posts but today... lightning is in my body and brain and I hate that hyped-up feeling.  Does anyone else get it? especially the pressure at the back of the neck/base of the skull?

[saltandpepper]

Hey @AussieRecharger with regards to the being critiqued thing, yes, this plagued me for years. My brain tends to interpret any constructive criticism (which I know is coming from a helpful place) into a personal failing. It really interfered with everything in my life, to a dysfunctional degree--which it sounds like you can perhaps relate to that.

In my case, I found it helpful to put that under a microscope and explore what was actually causing me to respond that way. I know logically that people aren't telling me I'm a dumb c*** and they're trying to help me improve. But that's what I hear: "you're a dumb c*** that can't do anything right so just don't even bother trying" and for the majority of my life, that's what I believed. Until recently.

That terribly over the top emotional response to criticism goes back to childhood wounds for me. Taking a look at where those emotions are really coming from has helped me to gain some control over them. I still have that internal self doubt response, but now that I understand why I respond that way and where those feelings really come from, I can control things better now.

Try to explore those feelings and the root cause of them. I think when we tend to have strong emotional responses to things in present day that seem over the top, it's usually being exacerbated by an underlying issue. That's just been my experience with this anyway.

And the nervous energy, yes, I get very wired at times though I've left the lid on that jar and will deal with it another day. I will go for a run or channel the energy into some work--amazing how much I can get done in those times.

[AussieRecharger]

Thanks @saltandpepper 

You got most of that like a hole in one.  Mine not self doubt but more of "if tomorrow is my last day, do i want to waste anymore time doing this"  

Thanksfor the detailed reply and yeah, i need to acknowledge the feelings and deal with them and not try to shortcut the process. 

[saltandpepper]

Well I hope I was somewhat helpful @AussieRecharger 

What an interesting thought to have, asking yourself if what you're doing is a waste of time like that. I really don't ever ask myself that, ever. I wonder if life would be more fulfilling if I did take the time to ask myself that question? I can see where it may negatively affect things with the impulsive side of it, but I wonder how much I'd change in my life if I were brave enough to ask myself that? Do you think it's had positive affects on the way you live your life @AussieRecharger 

[Oaktree]

Hi @AussieRecharger  and @saltandpepper 

I too can relate to being critiqued especially for over explaining things or giving too much in the way of guidance especially to my adult children. How am I supposed to know what they know and what they don't and I do like to have things done My way. Luckily I don't work outside the home anymore I guess. I also have wounds that emanate from childhood and that really affects the person I am today all these years later. I wish I had the guts to do the trauma therapy

Meggle

[AussieRecharger]

@saltandpepper 

I had always hated my career and for about 15 years i wanted to get out of it.  When my parents passed on, i had a huge amount of trouble with my career and it kind of set in that i did not want to live my life like them and did not want the kids to grow up with a parent like them.  The stress was turning me into them, Anger had become rage and I lost the joy in pretty much everything.  My wife helped to convince me to drop everything and we set off around Australia on the great aussie road trip.  

Covid happened and it did not go half as well as we planned but i found i valued my time with my family immensely and i found when travelling that their is lot of trauma in everyday Australians.. and for some reason, people wanted to tell me.  Some of it was full on.. some of it was shared experience about grief and i guess, that question about "what do i want to waste my time on if today is my last day" has lead me here and wanting to help people to have hope for today. 

On the flip side, i continuously obsess regarding how to spend my time, things like doing assignments or working for companies that are not alined to my values cause me huge amounts of anxiety.  because i am so quit to quit jobs, my anxiety's lately revolve around referees and burning through them by always asking for a reference every 3 months.. lol.. 

Small stuff but I do hate being a burden, i'd rather be helpful.

[AussieRecharger]

What's stopping you from having the guts @Oaktree?  

[Oaktree]

@AussieRecharger 

It's just scary to relive all that childhood bs. I had a pretty abusive upbringing and it's not fun to think about

Meggle

[saltandpepper]

@AussieRecharger Ahhh well that makes complete sense given what happened with your parents. But, while it's causing you distress at times, it did push you out of a job you hated and has hopefully helped to release that pressure valve.

Hmm, it does sound like it gets a bit overbearing at times. But at the same time, I think it's pretty great you've got such strong values and that it's so important you stick by them, that's pretty commendable. But I hear you, perhaps you don't need to switch off from the "am I wasting time here" question. Perhaps you just need to ask an additional question. If you're working on something and it doesn't align with your values, perhaps you can also ask yourself if while the task at hand isn't ideal, is it going to help you get to a place where you will be ale to achieve your overall goal?

Losing your parents has obviously given you a shake up, and I think that's both normal and a good thing. But it does sound like it's gone to a fretful place where you're having trouble following through with things because of the fear that it's a waste of time. Perhaps take some time to nut out what you want to achieve and jot down how you'd like your kids to remember you. Seeing it through someone elses eyes can help bring some clarity. Might also be helpful to jot down the things you have already achieved as well, remind yourself you have already been living a full life. It might help to ease the anxiety around needing to not waste another second.

The loss of your parents might also be unsettling dust from the past. Have you done any grief work around the loss? Perhaps there are some unresolved issues lingering about there...?

[saltandpepper]

Sorry I missed this @Oaktree 

Yeah the over explaining thing is familiar to me. I've reflected a lot on this as well, for me it all stems from a chaotic childhood. Now as an adult, I like structure, certainty, lists, CONTROL. And I have a hard time stepping back from anything really. But as I said before on @AussieRecharger post, now that I'm aware of where those feelings came from, it's helped me to work through it. I feel the need to be in control now because I had no control over the chaos as a child. Control now eases anxiety for me, understanding why I am the way I am has helped me to work on those issues.

Yes, trauma therapy is both challenging and rewarding. But it is confronting and I have opened doors that I wish I'd kept shut, but, I've also thrived and become a better person for it. You can always try a session with a trauma informed therapist and see how it goes. You don't have to talk about anything you aren't ready to face, you go at your own pace. They will go through techniques and strategies to help you get through it, but yeah, it's definitely gruelling. You'll know when you feel ready to take it on, wait til the time feels right