Lived Experience Forum

[Oaktree]

Hey guys I joined here a few days ago and it has taken me awhile to figure out how to post something (still not sure if I can figure it out a second time).

I have been struggling with feeling depressed for a little while as my husband has been having all sorts of health issues. A year ago it was spots on his lungs which were treated eventually with strong antibiotics, then last month he had two stents placed in arteries for his heart. Along the way he has struggled with high blood pressure and high heart rate. Today he went for another scan for his lungs as he has a follow up next week about that. 

Along with all that I have my own health issues. I have Bipolar Disorder and BPD. Last year I had a really good team that I was super comfortable with at my local adult community mental health clinic, but due to some ill health I lost my psychologist (technically we are on a break) and then my case manager got pregnant and left to have another baby after only being back for roughly a year from the last maternity leave. I find it really hard to warm up to new people as I definitely have trust issues. So basically it feels like I have lost two thirds of my support from the clinic with only my psychiatrist still being in place. I have only met my new case manager one time in April and then I had to cancel in May due to my husband having his antiplasty procedure. The April visit was 6 weeks ago and I haven't had contact with my new case manager since then. I tried to get in touch with her two weeks ago but have since decided that if she is not that keen to see me then I am equally not keen to see her either. So at the moment I am seeing how long it will be until I am forced to see her.

Then there is the psychologist problem. The work we were going to do scares me and I don't want to do it. Although we had a good therapeutic relationship and I was making good progress previously I am reticent about going back. I am waiting on a call from her after agreeing to see her at my last psychiatrist visit. I have abandonment issues and I don't want to get attached to the support she gives me as part of treatment as it's only short term. I really like her as a person and I don't know what to say when she calls.

So as you can see I have a lot on my mind at the moment and it is really weighing on me. Thanks for taking the time to read my long post.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Oaktree  nice to meet you. If you type the @ symbole a drop down box will appear and you can select a name displayed or just start typing a users name like I have done with you and it will then 'tag' that person. A comment you made stood out to me.."if she is not that keen to see me then I am equally not keen to see her either" I think this is your BPD speaking. You sound hurt that they haven't called you to make an appointment, and I am sorry that has upset you. Sounds like you are needing some support with everything that is going on around you. There are lots of wonderful people on the same forum ready to chat. I will tag you in one on bipolar. Take care 💞

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Hello Meggle

You were quicker to reconnect with the forum than I was. I originally posted in Nov 2015, and re-introduced myself in February this year. I had the same problem that you had in working out how the forum functions, but it took me a lot more than “a few days” to return. So, if you wish to know how something works, please feel comfortable asking. And I certainly hope and believe that you will find the people here are diverse, interesting, very interactive and pleasant.

I like the way that you have described your situation. With a description like the one you have given, it is very easy for people to relate and to understand your position, where there is a connection in terms of experience and, or feelings.

The health issues that you and your husband have been dealing with appear to me to be on the high side of the 'difficulty scale'; however that may be defined. Keeping track of appointments for treatment and operations, would seem to be very time consuming, and emotionally taxing.

When I lived in a city, some distance from where I now live, I used to see a lady doctor with whom I had a very good professional relationship. She also left work on maternity leave. I was fortunate that she referred me on to another male doctor, who I saw till I moved towns. Because of the turnover of doctors in the town where I now live, I decided that it was better to travel the 2 hours each way and return to the doctor I had seen before moving. I had tried to make arrangements to see the first doctor but was unable to do so. Consequently, I, and I'm sure others are likewise aware of the value of continuity in terms of health care providers with whom we are connected.

I can understand that the changes in your adult community mental health clinic staff would have the effect of causing the feelings of uncertainty that you have described. Because you are still within your 'umbrella sphere' of relative comfort, this might be an opportunity to talk with the psychologist about what you feel comfortable with and develop your interaction and relationship on that basis. It may be possible to talk with her about your feelings about attachment, detachment and any subsequent feelings of loss. It is only by disclosing our concerns that anyone else can ever give us their assistance.

What concerned me somewhat, was the idea of you being “forced to see her”, the case manager, or anyone for that matter (even in a gentle manner). One way you may consider, to address that concern, is to take the initiative. You could make the move. This may also give you a boost in the self-esteem department. While I say that, I am aware that you tried to make contact about two weeks ago, and apparently, have not yet had a response. Obviously, that is just one of the different options, that you may consider.

Here I am, talking about taking the initiative, when it took me twelve months to arrange to speak with a counsellor. Sounds like you win again. A few people here were talking in the last few days about overcoming that initial reservation about seeing new health care providers. It sounds like you are doing pretty well, overall in that regard.

I do hope that you enjoy and find the interactions and ideas presented on the forum to be useful for consideration and possibly application. We just share what we have arrived at from our own experience. And hope that what we share is worthwhile for each other.

With Very Best Wishes

HenryX

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

Thankyou for your response. I really feel like you have understood the turmoil I feel in my situation. Thanks so much for taking them time.

Meggle 

[Oaktree]

Thanks @Former-Member for the help and encouragement. I don't feel hurt, I just never wanted a case manager in the first place an it took me forever to come around to the idea with the first one. Maybe I will call her tomorrow.

Meggle