Lived Experience Forum

[Ybother]

Ok. Well I'm sure it's rather common here but every day feels like a day of more torment.

from majestic depression, ptsd, guilt, ect oh and the physical manifestations of the constant feeling of being kicked, yes imagine someone kicking you all day, but you can't see them.

iv had that for 5 years 😔

it drives me crazy to the point of total insanity.

 I'm at wits ends.

people feel like aliens from another planet to me.

every thing feels like a personal attack, every thing seams to be a trigger point for the ptsd.

medication has been a nightmare. So that's not an option, well not after the antipsychotic medication after everything that happened.

 I'm still not sure how I survived but somehow I am.🤷‍♀️ So thanks for the hospital staff.
basicly I think there is a huge group of people that want to help but I feel like they hate me and w  as t to hurt me. Pretty hard for lasting friendships and life in general.

 I'm totally lost , I just want the things I did as a child back. Just a simple housewife that feels safe.

unfortunately this is far from my reality. 

well that's enough of the poor me. But the concrete I keep getting told to eat might become something I berry myself in instead 😔

this line has been really good and the girls have been awesome on the calls . So thank you I'm sure you are saving lives .

keep up the good work 

[Mazarita]

Hi @Ybother, what you are going through sounds so hard, I feel for you. So glad to hear that the SANE phone lines are helpful to you. I too believe this forum has saved people's lives. 

Hoping you find the forum helpful to you too over time, in the way of personal connections, information and ideas from other members about ways we may alleviate our suffering. I've had these big mental/emotional/etc. struggles since I was about 5 years old, and am now 59. When I turned 40, like you I was somewhat surprised to still be here alive.

Mental illness has been a lifelong thing for me and I expect it will be that way until the end to some extent. The good news in my case is that my experience of life is vastly better at this time of my life than when younger. Hope life gets easier as time goes by for you as well.

[Ybother]

I just want my life back, throne I enjoyed before I was exposed to trauma

[Oaktree]

Hi @Ybother 

Welcome to the forums. I have only been here about a week myself. I hope you don't bury yourself in the concrete.

Meggle

[Ybother]

I’m just trying to get out of bed every day.

[Ybother]

There also been really good to me here.

 I'm not sure what to think , but iv called the line almost every day. 

so it's been good for me I hope it helps you too.

[Shaz51]

@Ybother  one step at a time my friend 

you are not alone and we are here for you 

sitting with you and xx

[Ybother]

Some times I think people are here with me.

but I can't see them anymore.

😭

[Shaz51]

@Ybother  have you got any furbabies xx

what hobbies do you like 

[Ybother]

No I don't.

my hobbies are transient.

music, drawing, cycling, and well I was starting craft things like making curtains and long stitch ect.

but my craft stuff is at dads.

I miss being the country housewife.

now all I want is a friend I can rely on that under standards if I'm vial and cruel that all I need is a big cuddle until I break down.