Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jynx]

Hey @Pem - I can relate to just how exhausting the constant masking can be. It really sucks that you have to keep it up all the time. Is there anyone with whom you feel safe to be able to be open about everything you're enduring? 

[Pem]

Hi @Jynx 

No there isnt really anyone i feel confortable opening up to. My best friend is struggling with mental health issues atm, so i feel bad opening up to her because i dont want her to be worrying about me. So i just make sure im there for her. 

I just dont like telling people what im going through because i feel like a burden and it feels like im complaining and making me seem ungrateful. 

[Jynx]

@Pem I can very much understand the feeling - it sounds like you care deeply about your friend and wouldn't want to stress her out! This is something I've come across in my own life too, I was very much a person who would keep everything locked away and bottled up, because I didn't want to add to my friends' stress. It ended up going very badly for me.... but it did also teach me that it is okay to rely on others, and that my problems were never as burdensome as I initially thought.

A couple of things were helpful in this realisation - first off, trying to put myself in my friends' shoes. I thought about times my friends had kept things from me, and how I'd always have preferred them to tell me so that I could offer support. Also, I find it very meaningful to be able to provide care and compassion to those I care about (so much so I ended up working in mental health!), so it helped me to take the plunge and open up to them and let them know I actually wasn't okay. 

Secondly, I got into the habit of checking in before I 'dump' my distress on them. Just a simple, "Hey, I have some stuff going on, but I wanted to check in with you first, to see if you have the energy to hold space, as I know you've already got stuff going on." Giving them the opportunity to say that they can't provide support right now, rather than just assuming that they can't, goes a long way in my experience. 

This is just a little bit of my story, you don't have to take any of it on board if it doesn't resonate with you and your circumstances! We humans are social creatures by nature, and in my experience, what is shareable is bearable. If talking to a friend about what's happening for you isn't an option, there's always plenty of helplines and mental health services out there too. 

[Healandlove]

@Jynx , that's beautiful!

@Pem i am so sorry you are going through this. To echo @Jynx words, it's so important to have an outlet.  Understanding our feelings help us understand how we can make things better in what's within our control. Easier said than done, I know. I am practising this myself every day. 

Know you are not alone and this is a beautiful and supportive community.  We have you! 

Hoping things are lighter today.

🫂 hugs and healing 💖 xx

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs @Healandlove , @Pem 

How are you going today,  thinking of you lots 💗 

@PinkFlamingo 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Pem @Healandlove @Jynx  and @Shaz51  🤗

It's really hard doing it alone while feeling like a burden isn't it. 

However, that isn't how its meant to be - we are here for you Pem, and I really liked what Jynx and Healandlove have written..very much agree xx

Big hugs for you 🤗💜

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 and @PinkFlamingo hi my friends,  how are you? 

I have been a bit absent due to work and kis school holidays.  

I have been feeling increasing loneliness that comes with supporting someone with cptsd (my husband) and feeling the rejection of family, e.g. parents and sister. I'm in a place where I used to feel supported by my parents but as time goes by and they age I feel like I need to be my own rock. The estrangement between my sister and I made worse my my husband's outburst had made boundaries between my parents and I. I truly feel like things would be better if I had not been born and days like this I just hang on for my kids. So do you ever feel like the people around you don't appreciate or love you? We have my husband's psychologist appointment next week. I hope to get some answers about his treatment.  I feel depleted. I hope I can find the strength to go on every day for my children. 

Wishing you all love and healing ❤️.  Hope everyone is healing everyday. 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Healandlove 🌺🙂ok here, thank you for asking 💜

Sounds like a lot to focus on with school holidays, keeping you busy. 
I can really understand how dealing with the raised boundaries between family relationships and breakdowns in communication is leading to isolation and loneliness 💜

I’m so sorry it’s making you feel the way you do, and I wish there was something I could say that would help make everything better 🌺

with reference to your question if ever feeling like people don’t love or appreciate..I can relate to that quite a bit, to be honest. 
I was never told I was loved by parents/adults in carer roles, nor was I ever spontaneously told I was loved by a partner without saying if to them first which seemed to elicit a mimic response (which didn’t seem genuine), or a ‘thank you’ in reply. Most of the time what I did was expected, and not appreciated, in terms of the supprt and help I gave, to siblings, partners, and others. I have always been viewed as a tool rather than a person, by family/ex husband. The reason to share this is to hopefully help with not feeling you’re alone in how it can feel to be in a position of loneliness even with people around 💜

I hope the psychologist appointment goes well next week and you do get the answers you guys are needing to move forward 🌺

I wondered if you have your own supports? 
or maybe have something that you do which is entirely to nurture you, and feed your sense of worth and wellbeing? 
I can really see how much the situation is wearing you down, and so having ways to give you that emotional break where you can feel good about yourself are super important 🌺💜

holding space for you, and keeping you company xx

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Healandlove, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with the community here on the Forums!

It sounds like you are having a tough time rn and having some unhelpful thoughts. Please stay connected with your peers here and if you need a little extra support reach out to crisis support services. I will pop a few numbers here, so you have them handy:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Lifeline Chat 

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or Beyond Blue Webchat

1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or Online Counselling 

Kids Helpline (up to ages 25): 1800 55 1800, http://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/phone-counselling  

If in immediate danger: 000  www.triplezero.gov.au/triple-zero/How-to-Call-000

Thanks again for sharing with the Forums!

Take care 

RiverSeal