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07-05-2017 11:51 PM
07-05-2017 11:51 PM
Lost
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07-05-2017 11:53 PM
07-05-2017 11:53 PM
Re: Lost
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08-05-2017 12:09 AM - edited 08-05-2017 12:14 AM
08-05-2017 12:09 AM - edited 08-05-2017 12:14 AM
Re: Lost
Hi @Charlie76
KobeCAt here, one of the moderators overnight.
Welcome to the forums and I hope you find this a safe space to seek support. I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment.
I also wanted to let you know about a new national support service especially for Nurses and MIdwives. They are available 7am to 11am seven days a week. 1800 667 877
Once again, Welcome
Kobe
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08-05-2017 04:40 PM
08-05-2017 04:40 PM
Re: Lost
Hi @Charlie76
Welcome to the forum!
I'm so sorry you are feeling lost, I to have BPD and am struggling with my relationship of 30 plus years.
I can see the pain you are going through and yet you keep going - thats amazing!
I dont know what to tell you except things really hit rockbottom with me and my partner to the point of lots of verbal abuse towards me. Trying to look at it through his eyes I can see how insecure our BPD can make them and sometimes all they yearn for is some stability which I know is hard to give when you are not well. Things have started improving since about 8 months ago and I think thats because he has seen a real change in me. I guess I got to the point that I had to make up my mind if I'm sticking around (living) I need to make some changes as I cant handle this anymore. As hard as it seems I tried playing games with my own brain. I used to get verey suspicous and always thinking he was out to get me and starting arguments. I try to behave opposite to what my brain tells me - ie. if I get angry I will be really nice and empathetic and have had much success with this. I think our brains are trained to act one way which is usually faulty and then when you try to do the opposite and have a good outcome it makes you want to do it more and more. Happened about a week ago my partner was very "stressed" he also suffers from bipolar. Usually when he has been like this due to old child hood trauma I would stay out of his way and I almost felt shitty with him - dont know why but instead this time despite how I was feeling I said to him "is there anything I can do to make you feel better" and he even looked surprised but it was enough to make him realise that I was thinking of him and this made him get better quickly. I'm still just making small steps but things are getting better.
How did you go today? Did things work out?
If not have you thought about couples counselling so he gets an understanding of your BPD? Or maybe if he is willing there are support groups for carers, this helped my partner understand more of why I was acting in a particular way but unfortunately the group he was with doesnt like to show empathy for the BPD person, they believe in tough love approach. I dont know if this is what helped me as he never let me get away with any consequences or lectures to my behaviour. At the time is was very overwhelming and seemed very calleous but I dont know maybe to some degree it helped me a bit to realise if I dont want to continue copping this crap I have to change. Despite that I still have times where I feel whats the point, I'm hopeless and useless etc and why would he want to stay with me but thats the BPD talking and whenever I feel like that I try to push it out of my head as its not going to help me or anyone else.
Take care and keep venting on here - it helps!
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09-05-2017 09:21 PM
09-05-2017 09:21 PM
Re: Lost
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09-05-2017 10:25 PM
09-05-2017 10:25 PM
Re: Lost
Hi Charlie76
Im NiteKat one of the Moderators here.
Thank you for being brave enough to describe your hurt. Tonight is painful for you. I have sent an email to you, and hopefully you will respond and let me know how you are.
Thanks
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09-05-2017 10:34 PM
09-05-2017 10:34 PM
Re: Lost
Hi @Charlie76
What a tough experience you're going through at the moment.
Firstly, that GP sounds like a terrible GP! They should not have said that to you. My suggestion would be to find another GP asap to get you on a mental health plan so you can access services quickly and cheaper.
At the moment I'm worried about you tonight.
You have shown a lot of strength in coming to the forums and seeking help. It’s really important that you speak to someone about how you feeling.
Have you got somewhere to go and/or someone to speak to?
If not, we know some really helpful services. Unfortunately we are not a crisis service, but some places you can call now for support are;
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
If in immediate danger: 000
If you are feeling suicidal, it’s really important to call one of the numbers above. You don’t deserve to go through this alone. It looks like @NiteKat is around for a bit - so please let us know how you're going.
Are you safe tonight?
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10-05-2017 05:22 PM
10-05-2017 05:22 PM
Re: Lost
Hi @Charlie76,
I really hope you got through the night ok. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and I know you are in a really difficult situation right now. I ended up in a mess over a long term relationship and still struggle with the fall out. I have 4 kids now aged 17-22 and they were caught up in it but I wanted to give you hope that it can and does get better. I also have DPD and BPD traits.
Please reach out for help. You need someone on your side right now. I hope you find a caring GP to listen and help you get the support you need, but more importantly deserve.
💜🤗💐
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11-05-2017 10:32 PM
11-05-2017 10:32 PM
Re: Lost
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12-05-2017 02:42 PM
12-05-2017 02:42 PM
Re: Lost
It must be really heart wrenching for you at the moment to go through all this @Charlie76. Have you any supports, as in a psychologist or mental health support worker, you can talk to about what you are going through. I couldn't imagine doing it all alone. When my stuff happened I saw a GP who helped to start with a bit. I then started with a counsellor and a different GP who helped me get through the really tough first part. I'm hoping you've got someone too.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
💜🤗💐