Lived Experience Forum

[MissA]

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and peaceful weekend 🙂 

With the help of inpatient detox I came off the substances I was using to 'control' severe anxiety and depression and this weekend I am celebrating 26 days sober, for me that is something to be VERY happy about!

I am planning some good walks, socialising, church and seeing my Dad tomorrow on Father's Day (Australia)... I'd love to know what you are up to this weekend 🙂

Take good care ❤️

[Kyle1]

hi @MissA 

This weekend I will not be going to church.

The person who left me with concussion a week ago comes from there. And none of my other so called church family have bothered to call for a simple 'hello' in months...

One of my children is sick today, and though the sun shines I will struggle to crawl from bed and mix medicinal teas and soup.

I began a benzo medicine yesterday but still awoke in a state of dread and lonely despair. Earlier I watched an insta reel where a baby panda was scooped up by momma panda and so hugged and warmly nurtured. I wish I were that baby panda!

I may be pessimistic and negative atm, but I don't want to be. I actually want to thank you for sharing your post. In contrast to my dank position right now it gleams like shafts of September sun. 

I am drowning under a torrent of negative internal talk, tormented by all the unkind things people have said to me, and since I've been nice enough to afford people such an easy time to project this way, I'm wondering how do you manage? If you dont mind; without your usual anxiety meds, what do you do to stay on top this illness? 

Hope you stay bright today 🌟

[Captain24]

Well done on being 26 days sober @MissA. 

Sounds like you have a great weekend planned. 

I hope you enjoy it

[wellwellwellnez]

That's so nice and good of you @MissA . You're enthusiasm is infectious, I'm looking more forward to both family times and challenges. Since you asked I'm engaging in some well-earned project time. In ways, playing father/man-mother by birthing creation in the surrogate womb that is my workbench.

Also feeling for you,  @Kyle1.  I find a lot of comfort in animal rescue videos. Have you seen the mother duck waterfall one? It's such a great example of how we as people should be (and can be (at least from time to time)). I've felt like every character in that story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scFKBEMbTec

[wellwellwellnez]

@Kyle1as someone who's not in you church but who does subscribe to the "Church of Love", I'd like to extend a "peace be with you" to you. Also, a "namaste" for sharing. Feeling the feeling's is a necessary part of all of these answers and questions.

[Kyle1]

thank you @wellwellwellnez 

That means a lot 🙏

God bless

[Dimity]

Well done on your achievement @MissA and I hope you have a great weekend. I'll endeavour to see some sunshine by walking or gardening. 

Hugs @Kyle1 I'm not a mumma panda but I hope you find warm nurturing here. Re coping with anxiety, mindfulness, meditation and centering prayer are supposed to help. Guided mindfulness is perhaps easiest. This morning I awoke from a vivid dream of trying to back up or restore some old document about meditation - odd, since I find the prospect of losing myself in deep meditation a little scary, but perhaps underscoring my need to practice. Might you be able to reach out to your wider church family? They might not have thought to say hello but perhaps they've been unaware/busy/distracted especially if you've been a bit withdrawn or unable to signal your needs while so much has been happening for you. I hope your new meds help, and your child is better soon... take care and stay safe.

[Eniac]

Awesome to hear. Keep the hand on its face and control that which caused and is poking the anxiety n depression mate. Is not so easy being the sense beings we are, but it is our ability through choice, and sometimes with assistance, quite understandably, that opens our path to a cruise past all the nonsense. Excellent. 😉

[MissA]

Hey @Kyle1 

I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time 😞

I still haven't figured out how I will manage the intense anxiety yet, but since leaving detox (where I came off the addictive anxiety meds and alcohol) I have been making a real effort to include brisk walking into my daily routine. Today was my longest so far at 1 hour and 10 min 🙂 I am hoping this will help with prevention of symptoms, but only time will tell. I have been out of detox for nearly 2 weeks and I am having less anxious days than usual. I will however discuss with my dr the non-addictive anxiety meds that I might try (other than the countless ones that were completely useless for me previously). 

If I find a non-addiction forming anti anxiety med I will be sure to let you know. I hope you are feeling better. Sending you encouragement for your day/night!

[Appleblossom]

@MissA Love your energy. Inspiring me to get back to serious walking again. 

@Kyle1 Keeping safe and sane as dad is important.  I missed having one, but mentioned him today with gratitude in a public event.  It just was the right time and place. 

Taking time out is your call. Not heard of anything so serious happening in any congregation I have been in.  Hope you are not too badly impacted. 

I have had loss of hope in the church environment.  It comes and goes for me.  Socialising is a work in progress for me.  Partly I am adjusting my expectations of others and myself, learning to have fun, and joke around spontaneously.  Re others I have finally made a few friends where there is a sense of mutual enjoyment, but others rub me up the wrong way, and I probably do the same to them.  Til recently I was really on the edge without much contact at all.

Recently (this year) I pushed back on a bully type lady in my court.  I see her that way.  She does not.  I withdrew about 8 years ago and started more meds ... to avoid conflict and just to survive.  Recently she reprimanded me for something silly, (not knowing how long she had been on the street) ... cos she does that kind of thing ... people are coming and going all the time and I dont keep tabs on them.   I realised I had sedated myself for years partly due to her moving in.  Yes, I had a lot of other issues, but she was the last straw.  I have slowly titrated them right down again to minimal doses both.  It is such a fine line working through interpersonal stuff. Do what you have to do, but been watching vids on addiction.  Take care Kyle. I def think you are worth it.