Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

i just completly balled my eyes out in the shower. i feel like a total looser. a waste of space. a waste of air. a nothing
im nearly 21 and literally have nothing to show for it and its really dawned on me.

i have no idea how to change, i so despartley want to change but i have no idea how to

oh god im going again 😞 😞 😞 😞

[Queenie]

@outlander I'm sorry you feel this way my friend. 

When I see your posts, I see a bright, intelligent, articulate young woman writing about things which are clearly not her fault and who desperately needs to give herself a break.

You've accomplished many things even since I knew you here! Take your studies for example, you're one smart cookie and you're motivated too. 

For the record, when I was young, I had no idea where I was going and what I was doing myself. I eventually went with something I thought was the right fit. You'll find your fit in this haphazard world eventually, that I am totally sure of!

Hugz 

[outlander]

@Queenie i just cant see any of that. I feel like my studies are a complete waste of time.
I dont know how to fix me at all. I dont know what direction to go. I see normal teenage and young women who are doing all these things and here i sit caring for kids that arent mine. Doped up to the eyeballs in meds so i can be semi normal. Therapy weekly. no friends.never dated. I doubt i ever will. Family who dont give 2 shites about me. A 2oyr old who a pathetic looser fighting a battle i just cant win. A friggin cancer surgury on thursday
Wtf am i doing with this life. Nothing. I am a nothing.

[outlander]

Why wont they stop 😞

[outlander]

@Former-Member why wont they stop

[outlander]

@Owlunar @Sans911 @Former-Member im on this thread atm

[outlander]

My sh thoughts are driving me crazy

[Sans911]

@outlander - please go gentle on yourself. You're going through so much right now. You're not a loser and can fight this battle. Yes, I know it's really hard right now, but you will get there @outlander. You done so well with your studies; they count for something. I understand it's a rough road for you right now, and you're lacking love and support from the ones closest to you. Just hold on to another life that's coming to you. I don't know when or how, but you have the will and determination to see this through.

[outlander]

I dont know where the hopes are gone @Sans911 i just have nobe for the future. I feel like studies are a waste of time. I dont know how to change. I want to change but i cant. Im so desparetly wanting to and my sh urges are drivi g me crazy to the point the mebtal pain hurts more than what the physical pain would.

[Sans911]

@outlander I understand so much about losing hope. I was just talking about that today, and saying essentially I wanted change, but I was scared of who I might become, what I might loose about myself and therefore it was so painful I couldn't bear thinking about it I'd lost hope pretty much altogether and I really couldn't get give a fudge if I lived or died. But change is a painful process, and you have to go through it if ever things are going to get better.

Let me ask you some questions. Why did you study the units or courses you did? What do hope to achieve from them? And what do you want your life to look life if you could fix everything right now?