Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[MJE]

Hello all how are you? Please call me Madge.

I am a mum to 3 children 2 with disabilities.

I work in Disability as well.

I am looking for an avenue for people to talk to who understand what we are experiencing.

My youngest child has Autism ( PDA profile), ADHD, depression, severe anxiety, panic disorder, amongst other disorders/disabilities. They have attempted suicide once and even though they are not suicidal right now, they think of death often. We have a psychiatrist and counsellor on board as well as a really supportive GP. They are quite isolated and spend most of their time online. They do have friends they see occasionally but most friends re online.

I have experienced depression, anxiety myself for most of my life.

I struggle with my worries, concerns 24/7, my husband is fantastic, my eldest child is also fantastic support but I feel like I have no one to talk to as I don't want to burden them any further, our friends and family do not understand the magnitude of what we deal with every day. Our family does not support us at all, I don't think they believe what is going on.  I feel like I constantly have to justify ourselves.

I'm exhausted. I despair for the future and a lot of time feel like we are losing the battle for our child's life.

I have had counselling for myself in the past, and know intellectually all the things to do, I try to look after myself, it's really hard to ask for help, it has taken me months to get to this point. I don't actually know what I need, maybe just a sympathetic ear?

Many Thanks

[Veronica5]

It's hard. It's damn hard. Family and friends don't understand unless they are or have gone through it themselves. Have your own mental health issues doubles the effort of looking after children with high needs. It's a double edge sword, we know to some extent how they feel so can understand a bit better but we also know the pain our children are feeling. We haven't told our family as I know it would add more pressure than result in them helping. I just know they weren't good with my own struggles when they started 20 years ago. The best advice I can offer is to somehow accept this is their journey. You can provide support and love but it is still their journey. No one can take your journey for you either. It can be painful to accept that you can't live their pain for them or take it away but you can love them and support them while they walk their journey. You are doing an incredible job, you love your children and this is the greatest gift a parent can give. Remind yourself of this regularly. It won't make it better but it can provide you with some comfort. 

[SJT63]

@MJE 

Hiya Madge

you will find many a sympathetic ear here as well as practical advice and plenty of virtual hugs.

My partner's list includes high functioning autism, bipolar and ptsd amongst other mental and physical problems. It's all good fun. A lot of people who have no idea tell me I should leave him and sometimes it's very, very tempting. Then we have a good day and I remember why.

Four weeks ago I saw no future but the roller coaster continues and we're doing ok at home right now. I don't talk to anyone I know outside of the forum, except for medicos, about what goes on because people just don't get it.

My friends here get it. Welcome to Sane.

S x

[MJE]

Hello thank you for replying, I appreciate it.

Basically, we are just taking it a day at a time, a week at a time, and doing the best we can do.

When it's ok it's ok, when it's not we just try to get through it. Sometimes I m ok sometimes not.

It's nice to talk to others who understand.

Many Thanks