Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Flurry0306]

I am really struggling to support a partner who over 8 years has refused to get help, gets a little, then stops, then gets some etc. I recently found out lying about working, used most of our money I got from my Dads as inheritance etc and asked to have a break. The constant stress for doing and being it all for our 9 snd 5 year old and him and being verbally and emotionally abused for a long time was just too much. I want to help him him but I have to have a positive environment for our children. So far he has gone to couple of appointments, says wants to change but now pressure to come back and says will feel better if does. We are waiting on couples counselling and I don't want to just blurt it all out and make him feel worse.

[WinterSun]

Hi @Flurry0306 

Welcome to the forums. 

I’m glad you have been able to post your concerns. Loving someone with mi is a bumpy road often leaving the significant other confused, scared and frustrated !

It is such a hard situation to be in with kids.

You are right that you need to provide a positive environment for your children.

It is perfectly reasonable that you have placed separation between you and your partner until you can see positive action on his part. MI of a partner/parent places a lot of stress and strain on the family and boundaries around treatment expectations and truth are not an unreasonable request. Inability to do this would possibly indicate a higher level of intervention is required.

Have you spoken to a counsellor yourself to help you identify the things you need of him before he returns home ?

A gp can arrange visits to a psychologist with a mental health plan. It might be easier to 

speak to a psychologist on your own to help order your thoughts and fears. You can also do the couples counselling together. It can take a while in couples counselling to wade through all the issues so extra support with your own counselling will be good.

We can’t care for anybody else if we don’t look after ourselves.

Take care.

WinterSun